How Smashing Through a Movement Disorder Has Brought More Meaning to My Life

I am a 30-year veteran of the often imploding weekly newspaper industry in New Jersey and a struggling retiree trying to establish a beachhead in freelance authorship. 

      This is only part of my story.  For I am also someone struggling every day to live my best life in a constant faceoff with  an “essential” movement disorder that, by no means, should be considered essential for anyone’s existence. 

          Yet what follows is neither bragging or complaining.  I have had a few events in my life worth bragging about and, of course, a number of times that could have, and often did, lend themselves to complaining.

          The aim of this article is neither of these.

           First of all, many people in this world have suffered the same, and many much worse than me.

           Second of all, I don’t think burdening others with one’s struggles  erases them or prevents them from recurring in the future.

           Rather, in allowing such a wide audience to follow me on this very personal journey, I hope to provide some insight into how boldly confronting the trials and limitations in my life has given me the strength to overcome them. I hope it will inspire others to face down their own demons and use this power to smash through the blockades that prevent them from finding greatness within themselves.

           Maybe it will give those who read it a different and more positive outlook in their own life. Then again, maybe it could leave you thinking “this guy is off the wall.  He doesn’t know what he is talking about.”

      In either case, at least you will have had a chance to join in a different kind of odyssey and see the world through someone else’s eyes.

        I have selected milestones from my life, not to make me a hero, but to demonstrate that our limitations can help pave the way to progress even if it only comes with a few baby steps forward and many baby steps back.  

          Many times in my life, especially recently,  I have opened the microwave door in my home and spilled hot liquid, barely avoiding scalding myself.  I don’t believe this came from clumsiness or lack of microwaving skill, but rather from The Disorder rearing its ugly head again. 

      These mishaps and others about which I will speak later, appear to many  as minor bumps in the road, but they have happened far too frequently. To a great extent they have come to symbolize many things that have blocked my advancement on the road of life. 

    The blockade has come partly because of The Disorder and partly because I have limited myself out of fear of someone else’s reaction to it. No matter what the cause or my response to it, these events often have left me stuck in first gear.  

     Often those not forced to live in this world of limitations have failed to recognize the valuable contributions of those who live in that world. This failure can come from their lack of understanding or ignorance of the challenges we face and the effort put forth to overcome them.

      I hope those of us who live with any roadblocks to a fuller life will pledge, as I have, to smash through to a complete and fulfilling journey.  I  don’t think that the ignorance or misunderstanding  of others should stop those like me from blowing through temporary detours on a highway where total success seems out of reach. 

      Other blockades forced upon those of us who travel in this unfulfilled world sometimes make it impossible to even toast the few victories in our lives because spilled champagne–and many other refreshments– often dash any hope of normalcy. 

      In one respect, though rays of hope have emerged to guide us around that which hold us back . Computer technology and word processing have allowed us to resume normal letter writing. Previously, the simple task of signing one’s signature, often turned the attempts into indecipherable scribbles. 

       The Disorder in another crucial respect, time after time has reared its ugly head when those in my world have attempted to publicly express our points of view on important issues. This often has brought the embarrassment of useless quaking and sometimes incomprehensible utterances.

        In spite of the fact that this often second place existence has led me down a number of blockaded roads I probably would not have advanced to the point I have had I not determined some time ago to face down the limitations imposed by the tremor that has plagued me most of my life.

         By forcing myself to be more publicly involved and to take on takes many like me shied away from, I often have smashed through roadblocks and found alternate routes that have brought me a much more fascinating life.

        Many guides have helped clear my path. One of those who helped the most was Stanley Magierowski, one of the greatest English and homeroom teachers in my small high school in Elizabeth, NJ. He saw my potential and ignited a spark in me that turned my lack of any career ambitions into a future in journalism.

     My quest to break through also led me to the Civil Air Patrol, which helped round into a better citizen and more disciplined person.

     Although, like many of my fellow Americans, I later came to hate the Vietnam War and how it put a black mark on the reputation of the United States, I despised the conflict not those who served there. The war also should not discount the lessons I learned during four years in the Civil Air Patrol.

      Both were formative influences in my personal battle with the Disorder and my own conflict with the chains that held me back for too long.

      Another detour stood in my way more than two years after graduation from Rutgers University when a number of go-no place jobs, both inside and outside of journalism, kept me from fulfilling my destiny. Then my developing talent for writing and my determination to break out of my shell started to pay off.  

        I don’t know if pure, dumb luck, an improving economy or my vow to smash my way into a profession that would force me to deal with my roadblocks led to success. An extremely productive 30-plus year career in community journalism, on analog and digital platforms, resulted.

       Of course, like many young reporters starting out in the 1970s in North Central New Jersey, I faced a number of closures, mergers and changes of publications.  These changes eventually led to the near demise of the community newspaper industry in the Garden State.

      A fortunate networking experience with a fellow Rutgers graduate brought me into the developing field of online community journalism. Through an article in our college’s alumni magazine I connected with Michael Shapiro and TapInto. This led to a very enjoyable addition to my resume and my later combination of publishing and the law. 

      My three decades reporting on everything from local school budgets to municipal government and local personalities throughout Union, Essex and Middlesex Counties, NJ, enabled me to tell the stories of people from the average person on the street to leaders at all levels.

      This included writing a story on the horrors of the first World Trade Center bombing and interviewing an expert giving advice on how to maintain a work environment shielded from such incidents.

      It was unfortunate that many years later, the security of the world was to be shattered by the 911 attacks.  It brought with it the loss of a young man who was the son of one of the finest couples I ever met in my sojourn into civic affairs.

      My reporting and editing career also brought a number of positives, like telling the story of a father who helped his daughter recover from a brain injury by making her the curator of an art gallery in their home.  I also had the honor of chronicling the career of a radio singing cowboy and interviewing Graham Kerr, television’s galloping gourmet.

     Some of these experiences would provide fodder for my venture into freelance writing, but more on that later. 

      Although the progress of journalism has brought much that is good and helpful for our society, I would be remiss if I didn’t speak about the great loss of talent and potentially outstanding writing I have encountered. This has led to the demise of many of the greatest publications ever produced.

        As for myself, in spite of a number of false starts and sometimes falling short of my goals, I have experienced a number of careers that brought me a great deal more satisfaction, fame and adventure than I would have attained had the Disorder not forced me to take the detours. 

        I also hope that one of the true positives emerging from this fight and the telling of my story about it will help to stop the ignorance and misunderstanding in the world from lumping all media into a negative stereotype. The public needs to gain a far greater appreciation of the critical role played by the community press in dealing with real issues confronted by real people in their everyday lives.

      Although a more thorough discussion of that issue may have to wait for another day and become the topic of an entire article centered only on that, I feel it was necessary to raise it here because it has become an important part of my journey.

     The rich tapistry that resulted from my life in journalism became thoroughly enriched by later experiences in short stints in the Prudential Insurance Company’s personnel department and on a special project in another division of Prudential.

      Working on legal settlements to policyholders victimized by those who took unfair advantage of a major financial shift in the operation of the life insurance industry both increased my knowledge of the law and gave me a number of opportunities to demonstrate my leadership abilities.

        Earning my paralegal certificate also helped me take another huge step on the ladder out of my personal abyss.

       The Prudential project and completion of my studies in legal assisting led to a multi-year position, combining both my journalism and legal talents, editing several research publications for Lexis-Nexis.

      The foundation of determination I built in my early life also led me into leadership positions in my community such as the presidency of both a local political club and my township’s board of health.

         Like many in the Garden State, I later survived Superstorm Sandy and some of the worst winter weather and power outages in New Jersey history.

     My continuing toughness in fighting the Disorder probably played a large role in overcoming these obstacles. It also helped my wife and I to decide to flee the dreariness, overcrowding and negativity that often plagues North Central Jersey for the natural beauty and tranquility of Maryland’s Eastern Shore.    

     After retiring to the beautiful Delmarva Peninsula, as I advance further in life, I also have come to more fully realize the benefits I have gained by blasting through the detours that this tremor placed in my way. Along the way, I have discovered the intense satisfaction of refining my writing as I dive more fully into my post-retirement avocation in freelancing. This turn in my life’s journey has allowed me to rediscover my muse amid the natural beauty of Delmarva’s many beaches and other attractions and the many wonderful people who help maintain my new homeland. 

      My storytelling also has allowed me to spread to a larger audience fictionalized versions of the stories that made my community reporting and editing so joyful and interesting.

      Although, up to now, it has not produced the monetary rewards I had envisioned before taking several sharp turns in this road, each twist and turn presents a positive challenge I am preparing to meet head-on. 

      In the pursuit of all my life’s goals I have developed a network of true friends truly interested in advancing our profession and our world. These friends also have helped me more completely realize my potential as a contributor to the human experiment despite real or perceived limitations.

       While travelling along this highway I have gained a much greater appreciation for the need for understanding and inclusion based in a world of greater kindness.

       Following this theme, I hope I can do much more in the future to help my fellow humans study more carefully the motivations behind the viewpoints of others and what causes them to react to the world.  

    During my journey I also have begun to explore more the hypocrisy of supposedly caring so much for our entrance into life but continuing to support policies which shorten our lives, especially for those who society chooses to marginalize. 

    The true betterment of society, I have come to realize as I accumulate more personal mileage, should stem more from a free and open discussion of issues and beliefs than from social media shouting and narrow minded spouting of viewpoints and violent reactions to the viewpoints of others. Maybe we should be understanding far more and shouting far less. 

        I have come to agree more and more with the philosophy that open discussion and working towards common goals accomplishes far more than the construction of cages aimed at locking away viewpoints not mirroring exactly our own. 

     This, by no means, argues for non-questioning conformity, but more for searching below the surface for portions of everyone’s life goals that can be fused to build an understanding that can benefit all. 

       I firmly believe that the human race can find a way to accomplish this with the guiding hands of all organizations and individuals of good will–whether based on religious or non-religious foundations. 

      Every person’s personal tenets of existence, no matter whether they stem from an individual or collective belief system, can provide keys through which each of us unlocks the common human decency that, of late, has become buried deeper and deeper in our collective consciousness. 

    Hopefully, leaders of all belief systems will come to work more closely toward a positive and hopeful society where all seek open acceptance of differences, as well as likenesses, in order to truly advance all humankind. 

    The tearing down of all these blockades and reaching for a more positive meaning in life are motivating me to put maximum effort into seeking a new and interesting world of satisfaction and accomplishment for all who inhabit the earth–no matter what the level of their abilities. 

   This means that we can all contribute to a better world in our own way, even if we overcome each of our personal obstacles by travelling along different highways.

     The fight against living the life of an also-ran has not taken my eyes off the ultimate goal I seek to reach for myself and others who suffer from the plagues that keep too many stuck in second gear.. 

     I continue to believe that the wonders of science will produce the ultimate destruction of the Disorder and other blockades. This will come not solely from sophisticated coping mechanisms, but, ultimately, from true and final cures that will give all of those imprisoned by the above the tools they need to produce a better world.

    I can’t say my journey doesn’t still occasionally meet with reversals, but I will not allow my life to take a permanent U-turn. 

    Another major lesson I have learned is that, if the farthest science advances in the lifetime of every human being is recognizing the small spot of greatness each of us has contributed to this world, then we will have reached the ultimate goal of our existence.